Does the pain ever go away after having someone you love commit suicide? Apparently not! I thought I was doing pretty good this week, even though the 10th marks the anniversary of my youngest son's death. But all of a sudden, while driving over to visit with one of my hospice patients, a song came on the radio that Jim really liked. It just sort of hit me like a ton of bricks... I relived the way I felt six years ago when the police walked up to my door to let me know that they had located my son dead inside his car.
The grief was so overwhelming that I had to pull over to the side of the road. I felt like someone had just reached inside me and pulled my heart out of my chest. I sat there and began talking with the Lord. I said, "Help me Lord! I'm hurting so much inside and the guilt just seems to make it worse." I'm sure if anyone drove by and saw me they would be thinking I was a crazy person talking out loud to himself.
All of a sudden I felt a warm comfort coming over me as if someone was holding me in their arms. Then I heard a voice say, "Come to Me and I will give your rest." Now I wasn't hearing "voices" it was like an inner voice within me. This had never happened to me before and my only reaction was to reply, "Lord, have mercy on my soul!". After about five minutes or so I was able to regain my composure and continued on my way.
After I got home I sat down and opened my Bible to Matthew 11:28-30 where Jesus said,
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Thank you Lord Jesus for making my burden's in life easier to handle.
I don't really think that the pain of loosing a child ever leaves us, but when we share our pain, sorrows, burdens, and joys with our Lord, then we will experience the peace and joy that only God can give.